I accidentally had phone sex last night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
