Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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