I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
