David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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