I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
