So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
