I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
