why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
