Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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