Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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