Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
