Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
