so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
