Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
