Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
