eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
