rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
