so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
