eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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