90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
