Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
