so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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