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DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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