Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
