Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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