I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
