Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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