I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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