that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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