sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
