I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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