the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
