I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
