I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
