Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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