Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
