I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
