you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
