Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
