I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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