Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
