I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
