nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.