I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.