do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.