Girls should come with a carfax report
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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