You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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