I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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