I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
