my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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