Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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