I think i sorta joined a cult last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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