What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
