All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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