between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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