so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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