My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
