things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
