All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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