And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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