last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
