Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
