alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
