He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
