I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
