do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
