it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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