She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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