Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
