im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
