brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
