Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
