i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
