after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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