Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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