I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
